Category Archives: harangue
Mood: Tired
Listening to: Shut Up and Let Me Go by Ting Tings
I remember writing about Murphy’s Law.
The one that advocates the theory, anything that can possibly go wrong will and all at once when you least expect it…
Or, a simple way of putting it – bad things just happen out of nowhere to ruin that almost perfect little life of mine.
Continuing on from my rant yesterday, I’ve taken ill today.
It’s not exactly sudden. I’ve been experiencing some discomfort the last couple of days.
It started with a toothache on Saturday, which slowly spread to my gum and now there’s like a bubble that’s ready to burst into an ulcer.
Then the headache and slight dizziness came on Monday.
The fever and sore throat came soon after.
Now I’m coughing a little and sneezing a lot.
It’s time to fall sick again…
*****
Normally when I feel the symptoms coming, I would take evasive action.
This comprises consuming a lot of water, high dosage of multi vitamins, and concocting herbal remedies (usually in the form chrysanthemum and ginseng extracts, among other things).
Problem is, in order for this evasive action to work, the timing is crucial. If, by the time you realise the symptoms too late, nothing can be done anymore but to remedy the illness.
Of course the best practice would be to take precautionary measures to lessen the probability of falling ill in the first place…
*****
I didn’t take sick leave, although I was feeling not quite right.
I felt I had an obligation to complete what I had set out to do. And I didn’t want to blemish my rather new and clean record in my 2nd month of probation.
Of course, had my condition been any worse, I could’ve done myself a lot of harm by not taking the day off.
Fortunately, I lasted through the day and managed to drag myself to the pharmacy to buy Strepsils and Woods’ cough syrup.
And yes, I’ve cut down on smoking the last couple of days.
Only 2 more days to go, I hope I make it through the week…
Mood: Sad
Listening to: Hacken Lee
Today has been a shit day for me.
Absofuckinglutely shit. I’ve not been this bitterly disappointed since… I can’t even recall…
It ranks up there with my heartbroken episodes of the past, the likes of which even I have forgotten.
It’s a really bitter experience which I never even anticipated, which makes it all the more frustrating.
I’ve always been a cautious person, a careful planner and executor of schemes. Efficient, effective, ruthless, calculated… and it backfired on me big time. I should have seen it coming, I shouldn’t have placed high hopes on it… I have only myself to blame.
Damn it!
*****
It all started with a phone call.
A phone call which I took in the car as I was driving home.
I wasn’t even angry then, still polite and courteous as I always strive to be.
After the call ended, I felt a lump in my throat. My heart stopped beating for a long moment. My head was spinning, blank… yet I drove on… I couldn’t even hear the radio playing… a routine journey home suddenly became too long and winding… I just wanted to get home and crouch on the sofa… smoke a cigarette and wish it were all just a bad dream…
*****
Even as I type this posting hours after that phone call, I still feel bitter… very bitter.
I had to make a long distance call to find some form of consolation from a close friend, but it didn’t help one bit.
I’ll find it very difficult to sleep tonight, maybe not at all.
Why does everything have to play out like some cruel twist that fate decides to throw at me?
Tomorrow will be hard to live through…truly…
Note: The disappointment has nothing to do with love. It’s on a professional level… how ironic. I thought I was a professional at this. Apparently not…
Mood: At peace
Listening to: Perfume by Yuna Ito
Note: This is a 3-in-1 posting as part of my making amends for the long hiatus on Random Bytes. I’ve been doing some soul-searching lately, hence the lack of updates.
Losing
Everyone wants to win… because no one wants to lose.
But the universal law is written such that no winning streak is ever endless.
You win some, you lose some.
The defining mark of a character is how you deal with both winning and losing.
To win, boundless efforts and sacrifices have to be made. To lose, all these efforts and sacrifices become wasted. Wasted but not worthless.
Because something is gained in return – experience.
Nothing is worth more than the priceless commodity of experience.
I concede defeat. I’ve lost. But I believe I’m a stronger person now. And I won’t make the same mistake again.
Turbulence
Brisbane has been declared a natural disaster zone.
Since Sunday, there had been 3 major thunderstorms resulting in flash floods, landslides and power outages.
Many homes have been destroyed, property and amenities damaged. Lives have been lost too.
Severe downpours, hail stones and strong winds have been on-going and show no signs of abating.
Fortunately my area hasn’t been badly hit, although the journey to and from work had not been without dramas. Avoiding the hail, dodging fallen trees, driving in low visibility… I’m just lucky to be alive!
I’ve always loved the rain but right now, I just want to see sunshine again…
Breaking Free
I’m nearly back to my normal self again.
I’m done with decisions and soul-searching.
I need to get out of my thoughts and live again, except a little patience is required before I can finally heave a sigh of relief.
It’s good to break free from the shackles that bind.
Utter emancipation, how long it’s been that I’ve nearly forgotten the joyous feeling…
Mood: Relaxed
Listening to: Right As Rain by Adele
Splitter, splatter.
Rain won’t cease.
Everything gets wet.
~
Splitter, splatter.
Raindrops fall heavily.
Puddles forming everywhere.
~
Splitter, splatter.
Rushing for the brollies.
Lest your hair gets wet.
~
Splitter, splatter.
The tapping on my windowsill.
A soothing lullaby as I drift to sleep…
*****
Admiration from a distance.
A simple fascination, yet complex in nature and inexplicably illogical.
An occurrence that may never have an outcome.
Or perhaps…
Such is life in all its grandeur and perversity.
*****
Adele, an English-Welsh singer has released the album, 19 containing music that showcases her self-titled genre, Heartbroken Soul.
Very soulful and jazzy, Adele’s voice is reminiscent of Duffy. Could it be that Welsh singers have this innate ability to tranfuse all emotions into contemporary soul..?
